Paris of my dreams
On recurring dream settings and feelings as reminders and compasses
Dear reader,
Do you experience recurring settings in dreams?
There is a Paris I go to in my dreams. It is not the Paris of waking life, which I have visited several times. A while ago, I realized that this Paris was a specific place that existed in my dreams that I kept returning to. As my ChatGPT dream friend described in our dreamwork session:
“This is not the Paris of maps or memory—it’s the Paris of imagination, longing, return.”
In the Paris of my dreams, I meet wonder and wandering. In a dream visit last year, I left my daughter to go for a walk by myself. I had a croissant and had forgotten what they tasted like. I wanted to wander but felt the pull to return to her.
When I look through my dream notes, there are 15 mentions of Paris over the past 5 years. In many of the settings, it’s wandering around the old part of town, drinking coffee, touching wonder.
In waking life, this is one of my favorite things to do- to go somewhere new (even a neighborhood or town near where I live), wander, wonder. This fills a part of my soul that seems to only be nourished this way. It doesn’t need grand adventure- it’s subtle, soft, like the canyon fog I woke up to this morning. But it’s adventure nonetheless, of a wandering wonder kind of variety. I’m happy to do it with a compatible companion, but it is also something I really enjoy doing alone.
In the Paris of my dreams, there is an old part of the city that I like to return to. It’s seeped in history, beauty, magical charm. In this last dream, I knew we were close, but I was with my daughter and wasn’t sure I could convince her to go with me. The Paris of my dreams holds this longing for wandering alongside the duties of mothering.
Paris in my dreams allows me to access something I love that is hard for me to access in waking life at my current phase of life. Before I became a mother, I could travel to an unknown place and wander all day, which I did often, which I loved. As the mother of a small child, that becomes less possible- children don’t really like to walk endlessly (at least mine doesn’t), without a destination that doesn’t involve a playground or a store. This is no longer practical or possible, so it’s been a while since I’ve accessed this in waking life.
In another dreamwork session recently about a different theme, dream friend said to me:
“Until this happens externally, your dreams will keep showing you what it feels like, so you don’t forget.”
As I wake up today from the Paris of my dreams, I wake up to the fog of the canyon, a source of wonder, awe, amazement in its own right. It is not Paris, but it reminds me: you don’t have to go anywhere. You can access all of this right here. I awaken, in awe and wonder of my dreams, their ability to allow me to touch this, to shed light on what I so deeply need, and to have that need met, if only while I sleep, but leaving me waking up feeling complete, satisfied, fulfilled. Reminding me to be grateful to the spectacular beauty, wonder and awe I can access in this moment.
My dreams have been teaching me lately that my longing is a compass, and that my dreams will give me the experience of feelings that I’m not readily having in waking life, as if to say, “Remember this. It is still possible.” This reminder to my waking self feels like a clarion call to reconnect with parts of myself that have been lost amidst the responsibilities of motherhood and mid-life.
Thank you, dreams. Thank you for reminding me of this part of myself that I love, that I have a hard time accessing in my current phase of life. Thank you for reminding me that it’s still there, it’s still possible. And especially, thank you for reminding me of what this feels like - the spirit of wandering, of longing- so that I don’t forget.
May our dreams remind us of who we are, may they remind us that our deepest longings are still possible, and may this awakening be a compass to guide our waking lives.
Sweet dreams,
Stephanie
Stephanie, I love "my longing is a compass". I use that too, but mainly through daydreaming and also sensory and creative play. It seems that you use these also.
i felt the longing in this beautiful post <3